Man in the rite aid running around saying "Ballistic, Ballilstic, Ballistic," walks by me and says, " Do you know what Ballistic is?" I say "yes "and he smiles and moves on. He had a sweet face.
It's a nutty nutty world but I never knew how bad it was till this year. I really didn't think people would be that cruel and callous and destructive in such large numbers. I knew about history and it repeating itself but I just didn't anticipate this.
I feel such disgust and anger and I know it will never really go away . In some heaven, they'd all clear it up-- big misunderstanding--wow-- terrible-- some logic- heartfelt and profuse apologies for such inexcusable behaviors.
As it stands, I'm stuck and stalled. Instead of looking for work, sending out my sisters artwork ,or writing or doing comedy I'm writing motions-- because the justice sytem is a joke-- a terrible terrible sickening joke- and there are really really bad people out there who's names were and will be mentioned- and who will not do what they've done and have me/us dissapear. It doesn't work that way. I guess they can murder us but that might cause them issues further down the road.
I'm well aware of the "don't waste your breathe," and "just ignore" school of thought regarding retaliation but I think that would be a big mistake in my case. My family and others say "hang tight, wait for the legal thing to turn in your favor etc." and it just is taking too long when you've become a defamed pariah unable to express yourself in ways that are essenital to your survival.
. Blogging helps. I should twitter or facebook but I am happy that one day I will say i did neither. There is something absurdly herdlike about these exoduses- Myspace- Facebook- Twitter-- Hell? Why this out-flux and infux happening with non-teens? Wasn't the adult world supposed to be less cretinous?
I get that self promotion is very important, and I think it's great that some do it so wantonly but I abstain-- and it's not wise- at all. Obviously.
So, I'm taking a break from legal research(civil now!) to shout out to a widgetted void -- to relay some sense of indignancy(while indigent!) to the abyss. I'm repeating myself. I know.
Writing a list of all the people I'm suing and what they've done and just filled with Shakespearan levels of dissapointment and... ANGST. I'm trying to write a list of whose the worst and why and what the cause of action is and I have to look at all the lies and the libel, and remember all the slander and sicko sucking uppers . Thinking of writing e-mails to those who knew me and to those who insisted I be a comedian, but I just can't yet. And, I shouldn't need to.
I haven't and won't put my eggs in the Karma basket that's for sure.
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2 comments:
I love this blog and YOU. It was linked on facebook by you know who. i heard about what happened to you . I'm so sorry that I didn't do anything.
I have to stay anonymous but i just want you to know that you are not alone in this.
warm wishes,
me
Thanks, me. Can you give me a clue?
Eh,I guess not.
Thanks anyway,
me
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