Saturday, August 15, 2009

Jury Duty

Growing up I heard stories-- In retrospect, they were so limited. And since my grandmother has been not alive since 1993, I'll never get the detail I want. I would do anything to talk to her as an adult- the questions, the questions.

The jist was that at 32 years old my grandmother, my mother and her brothers, and my grandfather, and thier parents etc, were taken in 1944 to be killed, murdered, exterminated, liquidated-- What have you blah blah blah. All things relative, the fact that I'm blogging is statistically... unusual. My grandmother had 4 kids, a husband, and 32 years of the weariness of the intelligent woman, and here they come these sick dumb bastards and take it all away -- no good reason!

No big deal. Don't get nasty like Tig Notaro- lying to the lazy or corrupt Neil Spector-- about how my mother talks about the Holocaust all the time. What a sick and stupid lie. There seemed to be a "to do" about us not letting her get away with what she did and it seemed that our mentality was unusual, sadly. Apparently, most people have an easier time taking shit from shit than the Spitzberg girls.
So, we tried to explain to the evil judge gerald rosenberg maybe, or to creepy desperate Brian Whitaker(neo nazi chick) that they don't scare us etc, and Mathilde Notaro made statements that will haunt her for the rest of her inferior and criminal ife.
truth: in my 40 years I heard so little about the holocaust, that it is insane. I vividly remember lying in bed - maybe 6 years old in Belle Harbor, NY (till now-- still-- 34 years later)- trying to imagine how those germans(humans?) just went about their business, how they slept at night, how they could summon the energy for everyday living... watering the plants, chatting with the grocer, maybe playing raquetball, as their fellow men and woman were being gassed in chambers. Still, so little was told me and I want to know so much more.

Gas chambers. Now, different chambers. Very different they'd say-- but it's the same

What intrigues me most today-- is there a grey area between good and evil?

I don't think so. Perhaps, there is a banality of evil vs unadorned evil. But, in sum, there's real right and real wrong and everything in between(most everything) is wrong. There can be no in between when it comes certain things-- you either do the right thing or you don't and to assuage yourself by thinking how you are not as evil as the next-- waste of your life and waste of your time. Fear of job loss, fear of retaliation from sick souls-- get over it , weaklings! You are a failure!

This all brings to mind, JUDGE Samantha Jessner, and why she offends me the most. So close but yet so far( This sense that she wants to be decent but ixnays it at the last moment.)

... C'mon, life is too short to make such deafeating choices. The other judges seem caricatures-- but Jessner, seems like there was hope of redemption-- a kernel of sanity?
In the end, with watching witnesses aplenty, she did the wrong thing to the wrong person and instead of holding Felise Cohen Kalpakian and Jennifer Abrams Waxler in contempt-- she condescendingly bullshitted me about the rightness of her "order." It didn't get past me and it will be remedied. She knew the truth.

Stanford, U.S attorney-- all the opportunities and at 41 years old she decides to sell out, reward liars, and screw an innocent and good person. Well, that's just too bad. I had ambitions and dreams to, dear.

I won't lose. No tactic will ever work. Sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite.
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