Friday, September 25, 2009

class discount for blog readers

Recent comments to my blog have reminded me that my sister and me really need to teach a class or workshop on smackdowns—or even open a school called the institute of creative insultry. Sister and I come from a long line of skilled insulters( my father’s side) and it’s time to share our gifts.

For example: “Take your meds or a chill pill” is not good. The worst insult (in a good way)I ever got was this crazy bitch who really hated me and she said, “ It must be hard to walk with balls as big as yours.” Other “insults” that ended up to be more flattering than insulting are “ You think you’re so special, and you just can’t get over yourself can you?” Nu-uh that just suggested that someone is perceiving some specialness that I surely haven’t brought up and so these people would get partial scholarhips to the Spinster Sisters institute of creative insultry. My sister recently got the greatest insult from a prickly receptionist. They were arguing over something and this receptionist poised her body in a way that you’d think a devastating smackdown was in the offing, and said this: “ Calm down, gorgeous!”

My sister loves her till today. That insult made her day. Me and the sister shake our heads at the poor skills of most when it comes to trying to verbally rip someone a new asshole, as they say.

My mother is really bad at insults even though she’s been around us for so long. Something sweet about that. Today she’s telling off people at this prospective trial and she’s like, “ I’ll tell the judge how these people just came out of the vood. Can I say that, Lisale?” I’m like Mommy you can say anything you want cause I’m my own lawyer. FYI BTW- she meant come out of the woodwork, and she worried that it was too harsh.
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