Sunday, September 13, 2009

must re-Focus blog energies

Itching to start a new genre , I'm trying to get this blog to feel like something solid and so I'll try to curtail further seemingly unrelated rants about my strange strange strange situation:

This  "rant" was inspired by my mother reading some awful legal document and she just said, "they all must be covering their heads with sand." She is referring in her inimatable way to all the stupid liars and rats who don't care that someone perjured themselves, and hurt beyond redemption a total stranger who never thought a bad thing about them.

I figure a lot of things and see all sides and despite that I have found that there is no excuse and no reason that ever could justify what Tig Notaro, Stef Willen, Reeta Piazza, John Gregozek, Jim Hoffman, Mary Lou Villar, Judge Gerald Rosenberg, Judge Elizabeth grimes, Judge Samantha Jessner, Scott Boxenbaum, Kevin Seccia, Landin, Leiber Williams and Labin, JudgeMartinez(what a nightmare!) and Felise Kalpakian and Jennifer Waxler did to me and my family. The shit list is much much longer and it should be noted that it was empty beforehand. Sure, I've burned tons of bridges for complex reasons, but enemies... no. Or certainly none that I know of.

It is not overly dramatic to say that my grandmother didn't do anything to earn the hatred of those germans who saw fit to take her away when she was 32 years old and my mother when she was 5 and change their worlds so... strangely . Of course, of course, they aren't gassing me , putting me in cattle cars,and I get absolutely how it could be said to differ, but I submit that this is emotional Zyclon B to my mother and hope that some force in the universe sees this and stops it.

And, of course these judges or goverment workers are not my enemies or even some of those loser "comedians" who lied and slander for no good reason,
I don't even think it's one bit personal. I am profoundly disgusted on an impersonal level with everyone but Willen, who I though I knew a little,  and who I never suspected capable of such Evil.

"Evil" is not said in a fundie way, not said in a hey, things are black and white way--

It's said after searching and searching for the gray and coming up EMPTY. I'm sure there's some hiding but no one sees fit to share any and it's just a sick mistake on their parts. I have surmised every angle of what they (lapd prosecutors, judges,)could concievably think in such a situation and still the evidence is too strong that I have been the victim here and Tig Notaro should be the defendant (and boxenbaum and wittels and ponce and myers and willen and all of them really) All these people have lied in the worst way one can lie. They have inserted such sadness and dissalussionment in very decent people and they have exposed the porno worthy naked emperors (XXXXX)to innocent eyes and there is no doubt that they all committed civil and criminal offenses that demand a lifelong undoing.

The only person who was upstanding, truly upstanding was that PD who told me she'd be happy to testify to what she saw and told me the names of another. The way she looked at me..I was going into the courthouse too -- to talk to my new prosecutor and I said to her, "that really scared me -- how I thought if I asked any of you to come forth you'd all get that look (did little coward look) and be like, " I don't want to get involved." and she gave me this look exactly like the look I would give in such a circumstance, this " Who the fuck cares about a shitty job at moments like this. I'm (insert name) and I have to live with myself" look,

and suddenly restoration of faith in my fellow man. It will shift, but that was the only one singular moment of redeeming humanity that I've seen since April 7, 2008.

This is no way an overstatement . I've always figured a 80 percent good to 20 bad ratio(very approximate).
 I have to blame L.A for this 99.6 percent lousy figure. I have to hope that there are more people like the P.D who think of bigger think of only their immediate future.

Whateva! I have so so so much more to say and so so much disgust and anger-- that I will manage(as i always have) without incident. The shit list may grow longer. I'm ready, sorta. As long as any "witness" tells the truth I have no beef with them and would be infused with joy at any opportunity to cross off any of these people off this epic shit list. I can see every angle that one might use to argue my sentiments and I understand why they would think that(utterly) but in this case they are not well informed.
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