My yom kippur war

The last fourth of July I got so frustrated – I was like, can’t we come up with anything but fireworks? Same old Same old. Yada Yada Yada. Can’t we mix it up some.- Can’t there be some VIP who comes up with new holidays and new ways to spend them?




Today is my fortieth Yom Kippur, and I’m much more than just bored of it. After non stop no shows and then the America Online story on the highly euphemistic “mermaid girl” (she has fused legs, no rectum, no kidneys) story ,and how miraculous it is that she lived till 10 years old, I decided to break up for good with god—Again. Today, I’m supposed to spend quality time with him and I am so not into it. I’m supposed to not eat either and though at this hour I never want to eat , today I do, and I will, but every bite will be seasoned with very complex ingredients


I’m not going to eat out of spite but more out of a sense that I’m no sucker . He kept presenting me with stories like the mermaid girl and the innocent death penalty guy(linked below), he kept showing me those tragic figures who live outside the Rite Aid on Labrea, and on a personal scale—all the soulless beauty free things this last two years- and all those terrible People who obviously don’t fear him but are doing just fine. A mixed bag of evil but it’s yom kippur so I’ll mention the Jews: Judge Gerald Rosenberg, Felise Cohen Kalpakian, Jennifer Abrams Waxler, Bernie Madoff, the kidney selling Rabbi, Scott Boxenbaum, Maybe Harris Wittels(there was a Wittels on the farslaben death train fyi) and the Leibers and Labins . Therefore, I’m in no mood to sing God’s praises or make a show of fearing his wrath . It’s not like I’ll be childishly contrary and pretend it’s cinco de mayo(Loaded Nachos, Sizzling Fajitas, Supersized Margaritas etc.) but I will chew on some food here and there.


My computer is obviously on and I’m typing(which isn’t forbidden in the bible but it stands to reason…) and I already want this day to go away. Can’t file the complaint though because driving and going to court seems too sinful and the court is probably closed if the congress is. Won’t have a donut as I’ll try my best to stay pleasure free if not hunger free.


Oh well, that’s my first miserable yom kippur post. Sorry blog, I promise to be more fun and spooky come Halloween and more grateful come Thanksgiving. Blog, what are your plans for Yom Kippur?