Saturday, April 13, 2013

Tig Notaro endorses Carmen Trutanich for Los Angeles City attorney- Unredacted Trutanich endorsment statement of Tig Notaro included

In a non shocking press release, released by Notaro's PR agents and her personal lawyer, Allison Hart, of the famed Lavely and Singer law firm, cancer hero and adversity profiteer, Mathilde "Tig" Notaro has endorsed crummy incumbent, Carmen Trutanich, for re-election as City Attorney. Speaking from the free apartment she got by manipulating, Amy Shumer ,into pitying her. Let's Hope Heidi Feigin talks sense to Shumer before Shumer becomes anohter Mathilde Notaro casualty.Notaro spoke "plainly" and boldly. Notaro expressed dismay, last year, when Carmen Trutanich had a humiliating defeat in his run for District Attorney. Notaro told her Manager, Hunter Seidman, to release a statement to the comedy community and the whole world.

Cancer victor, Tig Notaro's, passionate endorsement:Unredacted.

I am here today to lend my voice to Carmen Trutanich's flailing campaign for City Attorney of Los Angeles. I wish he was DA but CA will do. It hurts me to know that anyone who disses me on the internet can't be now charged with Felonies due to his unfortunate loss.  Carmen promised me that when he would become DA ,anyone who would be negative towards me would be sent to prison for life. Nuchi also retains Steven Lowe. How cool. Steven Lowe is the one who stole Alisa's money and then advised her she must drop the defamation suit against me in order to fight the false criminal charges the city attorney agreed to help me with.Coincidence that he was the lawyer and my handwriting was on the papers filed for dismissal? Nobody will ever find out. When someone isn't a nice about me I become desirous of prosecution, even when the only reason they are mad is because I defamed then and made up false accusations against them. I made this clear to Neil Spector, the investigator asshole for the other side. I told him plainly, " I am desirious of prosecution." That's a pretty fancy way to tell him that I'm both bad and crazy .. I never could finish 9th grade after three whole tries so the word "desirious" is impressive of me to say. My step dad thinks I'm smart enough to be a lawyer or a doctor and I agree because I'm a delusional megolomaniac with malice issues. I come across dumb as shit but I could be a surgeon if I just said so. Whatever. my victims best move on or I will have Zeke Iddion and Evita Rush try to make em. Gregozek won't do it anymore since he is miffed at me for getting him involved in my sordid  and twisted life. He always knew I was lying cause he found out how I had no roommates and how no police ever really came on Apri 7th 2008. He actually wrote "witness lying" in his notes. Then he found out I was disturbed enough to say I saw police arrive and the officers standing there and yet no police were called or came cause Alisa and Lauren didn't do anything but want to find out why I was slandering Alisa and getting her kicked out of comedy clubs for no reason. Bwah. Who cares. She was rude to Stef. Making up tons of incidences of violence and accusing then of tons of crimes  is arousing to me. I have a lot of testosterone so arousal is a big deal for me. Amy Shumer essentially said I was too masculine to succeed. It's cuz she saw the hair on my back by accident a week after I played her moved in with her. I might get her jailed too if she keeps saying that shit.Ruining talented people makes me feel ALIVE.
Hee. I hope the the new DA is as awesome as Carmen would have been and that they agree to jail Heidi Feigin , and the other eyewitnesses, for their use of honesty as a means to betray me. I won't even get into LAPD officer Jaqueline Montalvo. Carmen told me he has won a recent decision with the Second Court of Appeals to criminalize free speech directed at clients of Lavely and Singer. Heidi Best not count on me to help her with commissary. Jackie Kashian has a criminal record so she told me all about Commissary. Ever since I gave her the gig at the Bentzen Ball she's been the best little liar. Love her. She's a terrible comedian, fat and nasty too, but she's an awesome perjurer.
I was hoping to see Tru the Nuch, as I call him, rise in power. I wanted him to use his ruthlessness to rise higher and higher. I  will endorse him for president so he could put anyone who doesn't like me in Guantanomo bay. Carmen Trutanich and Martin Boags promised to waterboard Alisa, Henya, and Lauren Spitzberg, and all those bastards on Datalounge who don't love me like Evita Rush and Stef Willen do.  Scott Boxenbaum and Val Myers volunteered their services to burn them with cigarettes but I told them I owe too many favors as it is. Now that I supposedly have cancer they have been less harassing of me making good on my promises.
 Deputy City attorney ,Phyliss Henderson, is such a doll. Ha.She's not some assface like city attorney, Webster. Webster rejected my claims cuz Gregozek had no evidence and did no investigation other than once talking to me on the phone .He never got off his fat ass and then admitted to Alisa's Mom that he was doing this cuz she sued me. Luckily, taping is illegal so Gregozek can just deny deny deny What a jack ass. Webster not Gregozek. I luv John and love being one of his superstar clients. I have issues with Martha Defoe and how she saw through me. But, in the end she came through for me and Allison so mad props to those guys for that amazing raid. I watch the video of the raid more than  porn., And, I watch loads of hardcore porn. I'm depraved. So sue me. You will always LOSE.
 John Gregozek just presented Phyliss with my lies and she charged Alisa with a crime. Amazing!She didn't even have the fake restraining order Allison Hart bought me for a little money. Not one witness statement either. She had to order the order , on October 21st 2008, after that relentless bitch, Alisa Spitzberg, wouldn't plea to something I know she didn't do. She didn't even know the conditions of the order. Gregozek just told her to do it and she did. Ha. Gregozek told them in affidavits that he protects city workers and judges. That evil bastard has more balls than me.xo
I love Phyliss Henderson and hope she becomes president too. I didn't gradaute junior high so I don't know when the presidential elections will occur but I will finally register to vote if Phyliss Henderson runs for president whenever she does. I got your back, Phyllis.Sarah Silverman says hi. I also love and support so many of the deputy city attorneys in L.A. I owe them so much more than the comedy tickets and backstage passes I've been giving them. For example city attorney, Carl Ramirez, let me out of a subpeoana and I never had to come to court cuz Allison Hart wrote him an e-mail. Isn't that cool? Then Waxler and Boags kept adding fake charges. hilarious. The wierdo judge Moore threw it all out but whatever I'm still on top. It should teach everyone else a lesson not to mess with Z list celebrities.  When I get to be a B list celebrity I will ask that Alisa be put in the electric chair and be denied her last meal. Sammy Jessner told me that won't be a problem.She and Maria Stratton have already drafted up the orders. Judge Maria Stratton made a deal with the electric chair people and it will take three times longer to kill Alisa .Dr. Kaushal Sharma and Reeta Piazza have agreed to pull the lever pro bono. yay. I told the trial court that Lauren Spitzberg beat me up too. And, Alissa Sterling, didn't even call me out on that and the hundred lies she had to impeach my credibility . She didn't even report Hunter Siedman's witness tampering when he kept calling  Heidi Feigin and telling her "Why are testifying for the other side." I know Alissa might not like me and think me a false accusing monster, but she is more than welcome to watch me perform my comedy. Free passes to her and Robin Ginsburg as a thank you for them agreeing to cover up for me. I've become close with public defender, Bernadette Everman, and Amy Shumer agreed to give her a writing gig if the show isn't canceled. Free passes to Howard Williams and Stanley Lieber and the other lawyers who punked out for profit.   Who knew that when I slithered out from a  swamp of Mississipi I'd end up owning the justice system in L.A country. No moleste. God Bless America!Rofl.
 thanks to carl ramirez, I never had to be burdened into coming to court until that bastard, Judge Randolph Moore, made me come cuz he's mean. But not mean enough to allow that collateral attack thingy that would have exposed me as a fraud and a criminal and would make it so I lost a boatload of money.
Judge Randolph Moore was too blinded by law to see the  tig nation that stood before him. He treated me like the liar and creep that I am. Sick.  What a weirdo.Katie Ford and Felise hate him too and Carmen has since punished Judge Moore's for his"ethical ways."Judge Moore denied me my birthday present and if he ever comes to my comedy shows I will have both banned and arrested. Judge Karla Kerlin agreed to draft orders of commitment to Patton for him if he is seen in my audience.Or, maybe it's Gateways now. Whatever
Carmen had really awesome people helping me be able to stay out of prison and pursue my comedic career.  Now, i use the appeals that was based on fraud and illegal jailing to explain to Ira Glass how I'm a nice person.I hope Alisa never gets to talk to anyone I've lied too. If I was normal I'd be a nervous wreck but since I'm a sociopath I'm calm and excited. I would pray that she is destroyed enough to never get justice blah blah blah, but god is for losers. I LOVE LA and their lawfirms, cops, judges, and prosecution and wish I didn't have to move.  I hear NY has some corrupt cops too so I'll be okay, don't you WORRY about me. I am fine and dandy, thank you very much, hatas.
Carmen Trutanich, Dennis Landin,James Hoffman,Martin Boags, Carlos Ramirez, Jeffrey Dunn, Robert Vanderet,John Gregozek and Judge Rosenberg are such awesome dudes who tirelessly worked to make it so I look good on google. SCORE. My dad hates me so it's nice to see all these men in my corner. Dad hates me cuz I'm a disturbed liar. His loss.
Carmen and his darling gang of loveable thugs really know how to make me feel special. I guess Allison Hart made the calls, and  is the one to thank most, or maybe it's all Marty Singer.... Either way, I won so many things that no one would ever win. LOL. I got away with murder suckas. Judge Richard Fruin came backstage at my comedy show and I gave him more free tickets . He is so fun and funny and senile and lawless. Awesome mix of traits. Stef Willen told me he molested her. She says that about absolutely everyone so lol who knows. City Attorney, Elizabeth Mitchell, is also amazing. Vicious but not cute enough for me to date. LOL. I just so greatful to all these people are doing my dirty work for me. Kyle Dunnigan asked me if I ever felt bad about stealing so much money from the tax payers and I laughed so hard. harder than I laughed that when I got my alleged agressive cancers. Kyle doesn't care that I'm such a bad person. He's bad too.I adore him. He makes me laugh so hard.  Sometimes I think WTF -- why are all these people not calling me out for my non stop malice and perjury and you know.... but I best just not ask too many questions and just keep pursuing my desirous dreams of world domination. . i so love the audience interaction . It makes me emotional. I have a strict arrest all hecklers policy so that's no longer any issue.Allison Hart has the latest technology and any comment left on the internet that doesn't praise me will be eradicated by 2014.
Much love and xxoo to the gang at the CA. I am sad that all couldn't be promoted to DA's when Carmen seized power, but I'm cured of cancer and made a fortune off it too, with no treatments necessary, so I'll live to see them all promoted, and be able to contribute to their campaigns as well. Had i gone to prison as should have been the case, i would never get to release my largo cancer tape.... I'm emotional just thinking about Carmen and how he has spared me the fate of those who are too poor to afford Allison. An emotional shout out to Jennifer Waxler, Martin Boags, Felise Kalpakian, Katie Ford, my victim's advocates(ha did I play you!) for screwing the targets of my vendetta more than i could ever have dreamed possible.  And, then Dick Fruin closing the deal. WTF. OMG. Sooooo wrong. So awesome.I luv you guys. You have allowed me get press after fifteen years. Backstage passes 4 ever.

Forever in your debt,
Tig Notaro
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