Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Tig Notaro gives URGENT advice to losing incumbent, Carmen Trutanich

As other celebrities ready themselves to endorse disastrous incumbent, City Attorney, Carmen Trutanich, Tig Notaro again has released a statement to the press.

Dear Tru,
I know everyone has to call you Nuch now cause you lied so much but whatever. People wonder about me and my name too. Hatas think it's gross that a weathered evil eyed lesbian should force a cutesy nickname on them. Tru knows that hatas be hatin. Now, to my advice. I see that Mike Feur is beating your ass in the election. You can do only one thing now to win. Call Jeffrey Dunn at the LAPD's Threat Management Unit. I forgot the number, cause I have a moron level memory, but you can find it. He'll hook you up with Gregozek STAT. Tell him that Mike Feur has threatened you repeatedly. Tell him that he is stalking you too cuz then you don't have to pay the restraining order fee of more than 300 bucks. John G will hook you up with a restraining order for as long as you want. Make sure you file it in Santa Monica. Judge Gerald Rosenberg will award it to you as they awarded it to me. NO EVIDENCE NECESSARY. AWESOME and then SOME. Before the deadline have Steve Lowe  call John and tell him that Mike Feur broke the restraining order. Then, your deputies can send Feur to Patton or Gateways, if he won't drop out of the race. You can make him into a criminal, a stalker and a nutcase . You know what I'm talking about.

Best always,
Mathilde "tig" Notaro

 The other celebrities, and their endorsements, will be discussed soon, but suffice it to say, Carmen Trutanich has a soft spot for false accusing celebs. He has used million dollars of public funds to make sure that anyone claiming celebrity status, won't ever get dissed on the internet, if Truch is in charge. The DA in Division 95 is on board too. Richard Vagnozzi has helped turn division 95 into the most cost efficient way to railroad innocent defendants.But, no expense spared for those accomplished enough to get Nuch's buddy , Marty Singer, on their side. According to public records, Marty and his wife donated 2k to Carmen's campaign. But, that's nothing. Marty promises and gives him so much more.
Call any one on the A-Z list, out on their lies, and get remanded to jail by Judge Solarzano or Judge Maria Stratton. Judge Mary Lou Villar chose not to, but she will label the most minor charges as "serious and significant" for even wannabe celebs with delusions and malice issues. She is corrupt as hell, but won't necessarily remand defendants to jail for no reason. Judge Dennis Landin will grand domestic violence criminal protective orders too, even if there is no evidence of any friendship much less domestic relationship. Notice and Hearing not required if Dennis Landin is on the bench. His only saving grace is that he isn't evil enough to set excessive bail.
Calling a celeb anything, not so nice, after they screw you like crazy and essentially destroy your life, will make you serve time in L.A county. Very Hard time. Don't plea to free speech, and watch as Judge Samantha Jessner, Judge Karla Kerlin, and Judge Robert Vanderet will set in motion that the trash talker be sent to the state asylums for the criminally insane. Watch Judge Maria Stratton keep free speechers locked in jail, without any bail for 31 days, with no charges, and watch her order Dr. Kaushal Sharma and Dr. Francisco Velarde falsify reports to please the Nuchster.
 If that sexy stalking unit, The LAPD's Threat Management Unit, approaches the Nuchster, he will pressure his deputies to bury alive, anyone, who pesters anyone fancy enough to get fancy law firms like Lavely and Singer. All at taxpayer expense. How nice.
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