Sunday, December 6, 2015

Ah, no wonder Ben Pomeroy of Bon Apetit, had to pretend anyone gives a shit about Nick Kroll's Breakfast

On October 22nd 2013, A Ben Pomeroy got this published in Bon Appetit Magazine.

 I was sort of amazed that such an article could ever come to pass... I think most anyone would be baffled. Let's get real, only Nick Kroll's mother, Lynn, cares about what her disturbed son, eats for breakfast.

Today, on twitter,the mystery was solved.

 See below the article, for evidence of  no mention of Nick Kroll's prior relationship with this Ben Pomeroy.

If Nick Kroll is recognized on the street these days, it’s likely because of his much-beloved Ruxin, a sardonic fantasy football hustler on the ensemble comedy The League, now entering its fifth season on FX. But he might easily meet fans of his viral hit Bobby Bottle Service, an homage to a Jersey nightclub entrepreneur who really, really loves his ma. Or maybe it’s for Dr. Armond, L.A.’s number one pet plastic surgeon. Nick found a home for all of these personalities on Comedy Central’s Kroll Show, which he writes and stars in. (Season two begins in January.) Nick lives in Los Angeles, likes cold-pressed juice, although he still does not know what those words really mean, and like many other homesick New York Jews, misses his Russ and Daughters’ bialys.

My alarm is set for 8:45 a.m. with the most calming of Apple’s alarm timbres, something that sounds like futuristic icicles. When I hear my alarm I wake up and immediately turn it off. Nine minutes later I’ll look at my phone for the first time. I’ll read my text messages, which will then inhabit some anxiety-ridden half-dreams as I continue to press snooze on my alarm.
I usually need to read emails to actually wake up. I’ll read these and Twitter and my brain will start to get going about what a narcissistic monster I am. I read on Twitter who is talking about me. I’ll also start making jokes for the day based on what I read on Twitter.

NOTE: Nick kroll doesn't write "jokes" he writes lame shit that only his father's empire can save.  
I exit my bed and it’s time for a Listerine wash. I don’t want people to smell bad breath over the phone if I need to make a call. This is followed by working out on the elliptical for 30 to 40 minutes. The best way to get me to work out is to let me watch TV. I catch up on Breaking Bad and House of Cards. I like to start the day with some stressful TV programming.
I’m allergic to my own sweat, so now my body is on fire. I shower and do an examination of my weird blotchy skin. I use Aveeno products. I know they are very mainstream, and not very cool, but they feel good on my skin.

NOTE: EWWWWW. But gotta give credit to that sweat, and glad to hear it causes him grief. This idiot worries about his moisturizer being mainstream??? 
After showering, I’m clean and famished. I make a coffee and begin the roller coaster of caffeine and sugar that is the rest of my day. My coffee style is based on the weather. The first housewarming gift from my mom was a Nespresso machine. I go with their Capriccio, the stronger blend. I’m always praying that I didn’t buy decaf. If it is a cooler day, I’ll just make an espresso.
I wish I was a cool guy and could drink coffee black, but I put almond milk and raw cane sugar in it. The almond milk is from Califia Farms. I’m a sucker for packaging. It comes in a container that has the essence of an old milk bottle—it evokes a simpler time—but it’s all plastic.
I’ll then have some Kashi Go Lean. It has as much protein as an egg. Kashi looks like twigs, so it makes me feel like I’m healthy. This cereal has been with me since childhood. Once a year in my family, we had a junk food day. I could eat Cocoa Crisps and Fruit Loops. Now I’m back eating Kashi. As much as I hate to admit it, my mother has won.
Depending how long it’s been since my last time to the grocery store, because I buy it in bulk, I’ll do Fage yogurt until I see green on it.
One thing I am experimenting with right now is kefir, a cultured milk product. I was tipped on to it, along with most of my food ideas, from my friend Aziz Ansari. I call it adult Go-Gurt for the Trader Joe’s set. It’s probiotic and somewhere between yogurt and milk.

NOTE: Kroll is too insufferable to handle. Once a year the mighty Krolls have a junk food day. Famished etc. Dear god, FAGE and KASHI and the Aziz Ansari name drop. 
I tend to buy my juice rather than make it. I like kale, celery, apples, beets, and ginger. Those are keywords that will spring me into action. If I get to a supermarket, I’ll buy some cold-pressed juice, but I still don’t don’t know what “cold press” means. Again, I’m a sucker for keywords.
I decided to go to some doctor, a Western one with Eastern influences. He told me to pull out my fillings because they were leaking mercury. I ignored that, but I did take him up on his suggestion to drink apple cider vinegar to help with my skin. A teaspoon per day. Because I half listen and don’t follow directions well, I just take a big swig to the dome and try to eat something after.
After all the low-fat stuff, I end up eating Tate’s chocolate chip cookies.
Usually if somebody stays over, a friend or significant other, I make eggs. I don’t do that for myself.
NOTE:  "I tend" .... make it stop mama!  HMMMM. Significant other??? Gender Neutral, FAGE and Kefir add up to... you figure it out. Is that "significant other" Scott Boxenbaum? Those two were made for each other.
If I’m super hungover, it’s a fried egg, Saint-André triple-crème brie, and salami. I’ll make a killer cholesterol sandwich to soak up the mistakes of the night before. When I’m hungover and wallowing in my own misery, I need to address that first. Being better on my body takes place later.

NOTE: My bullshit meter and my douche meter have EXPLODED, Imagine a miserable cretin like this stealing your name, your money, you peace of mind?
I miss the New York bagel, but miss the New York bialy even more. It’s a great compromise of bagel feeling with less dough stuffing. I also truly miss popping out of my house and going to Russ and Daughters’ and picking up great supplies right around your corner. In L.A. you settle into your home first to eat breakfast, rather than start life publicly right away.

NOTE: STFU you imbecile. I miss NY too, but you made it so I don't have the money to even visit.... OMG such a fool had such affect on our lives.. OUCH.

2 years later, we see why Ben Pomeroy had this bullshit printed.

High school buddies & ate dinner at my sister's new restaurant & I missed it.
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And here we have Nick Krolls favor for favor fast track to fame and fortune:  Do a favor for Ben and it better be returned. Jules Kroll's M.O.

This is my friend Ben Pomeroy’s new Radio Show about environmental issues. Its really interesting. Take a listen! Tell your friends! You’ll be much more interesting because of it!

As an aside: This same thing happened with a Thomas Sharpe and Tig Notaro, in October of 2008. There there is a very interesting story:

Basically, a very obviously fake article about how very great Tig Notaro showed up in City Beat Magazine. So, I see the name of the author and it's ... Thomas Sharpe. And, had Thomas Sharpe's name not been on Notaro(and Kroll's) sham restraining order, well I wouldn't have known that name. But as it stood, Notaro was listing Thomas Sharpe, Christopher Fairbanks, and Kjell Bjorgen as her roommates, and without articulating one reason, at any time, she wanted Judge Gerald Rosenberg to order that they too have restraining orders against me. I knew there was no reason for any restraining orders period, but I didn't even guess that she'd lie about having three roommates.

Flash forward to October of 2008 and now I'm facing retaliatory criminal charges for suing Lavely and Singer Client, Mathilde Notaro for defamation. And, in the course of my research ... this City Beat article.

So, my sister comments how since Thomas Sharpe is Notaro's roommate, he really needs to mention that in this article, since such a flagrant conflict of interest needs to be made known to the reader...

Well, Sharpe is all confused.  Whaaaaaaaaaaaa... she's not my roommate. I never lived with her at anytime. Later the same would be discovered about Christopher Fairbanks. He too claimed he never lived with Notaro at the time of the void order, or at any time.

Link to Tom Sharpes article ( and the comments where he reveals Notaro lied about him being her roommate?)

This easily shown lie would have easily impeached Notaro, from as early as October 2008. But the defense lawyers didn't even want to note it. The fact that it was never used by any defense lawyer,  is astounding and shows what I was up against.

(big question is why she'd add three men as fake roommates. Not to mention why Judge Rosenberg would rubber stamp something like that.  My theory is that in order to get me so banned from comedy I could not leave my house, Nick Kroll thought these men were in his debt, and if I accidentally ran into them, they'd be able to press criminal charges.)

Suffice it to say, Nick Kroll is wheeling and dealing Jules Kroll style. Get contacts in the press to sing your praises and before long, agents and executive will be convinced you are a stah. This is how he set up Notaro for cancer semi fame, and then scored grifting sociopath, Stef Laurel Willen, a book deal.
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