Friday, May 9, 2008

I find it so distasteful to self promote that I can't complain of my highly sluggish reader response. When I started this blog I suspected that as a soccer mom it would be a challenge to stand out on the information superhighway, as they say. And revealing myself as one of the most brutal and skilled of serial killers seems foolhardy at best. I've heard rumblings about IP adresses and forensic computer super geeks who can retrieve anything from the hard drive... So, Abbey, why post a blog and compromise your upscale lifestyle? Why risk starch overload and unnatural sex in prison when you have access to a Whole foods where the chickens and carrots are free of free radicals and the like and your man is at the ready. Prisons are full of antioxidants and you'd be hardpressed to fight them there with all that chaos and dysfunction. Abbey. Don't blog, It's not worth it. I hear you, concerned reader, and I appreciate your concern. I am not immune the martini trend and await with anticipation every new flavor the mixologist might invent at any given moment. The mojito has been a joy for single gals and married gals alike. Whoda thunk that a cuban drink would be undiscovered for so long. I imagine Castro is furious that us Americans are enjoying his cocktail so. And seeing men with prada loafers, and a pastel colored sweater wrapped around their affluent looking necks, in my immediate proximity. indicates that I ended up on the very right side of the tracks. Not to mention how the upscale places always have such random and wonderfully inventive appetizers that I wouldn't get in the penitentiary. Can you say.... CALAMARI? Can you say fritto misto?
The trappings of the upscale lifestyle are many and I imagine sorely absent in a correctional facility. Manoholo and Prada references wouldn't cause glee there, and nobody would let me wear my jimmy choo shoe . I hear they make you wear slippers there. Fabulous gay cliched men wouldn't ooh and ahh over my purse in their fruity sassafrass way ever again. I wouldn't be able to pack my dogeared sex and the city dvd's, that's for sure. But, as I said, I'm conflicted and found that show unbearably lame to begin with, so it all might be a relief. My dvd was dog eared literally as one almost bungled murder resulted in a dog slaying and the loss of the dead dog's ear that got stuck on the dvd. I have to remember to make sure that all traces are gone. I'm getting sloppy.
Anyhow, the point is that I am taking unneccessary risks and I still don't seem to have the attention any good serial killer craves. Oh well, Rome wasn't built in a day, and built it they will come are not opposing concepts. Or maybe they are . I can't think that deeply at this hour. i must get more luminol tommorow and check on that dvd. I then will get my own homemade anti luminol concoction and noone will be the wiser once more.
I have taken measures and if those forensic geeks get me, I'm willing to go down in a blaze of glory etc. I have a syringe of the best narcotics at the ready and the death will be blissful.
So, here I am and here i'll stay blogging away, till my dying day. What ever happened to Richard Bey?
He was so ... so... oh.... so... terrible. I will include him in a future post of past and present cultural nuisances. So many and he mercifully has faded far away into probably some half decent home in the san fernando valley. Oh, no my blood lust has stirred and I didn't even have my coffee. LOL. I used the term cultural nuisance once on a message board many years ago called Celebrity Talk. I was in a grumpy mood and called Maya Angelou a cultural nuisance. This is way before the heydey of the intertnet and my ravings made me quite popular with some there. I met many in real life and they were not particulary repugnant. Eventually, familiarity bred contempt(some mutual, some projected as mutual, and some maybe not mutual)and some and I've lost touch with them all. They all got away with their lives so its a happy ending of sorts. wherever you are out there, Motaterz, LaMarga, Rick Mckay, Ted, Worley, and even that bitter little misogynist with the red in his screenname: take care and good luck blah blah. If you ever google yourself then maybe you'll come by and make a comment. What fun.

Wow, that really was off the rails or under the bus or throwing the kitchen sink. So odd how those cliches have suddenly come into some crazy vogue. They were never much good in the first place and now they still are not. There should be a copyright on cliches. When I see myself just coming up with such a good idea I crave a real presence in the blogosphere. I know that if some detective tries to make his name by finding me out and I'm apprehened before I get to use my syringe or even if I stand trial, go to jail, -- I know that this blog may get many more hits and even advertising dollars down the road. Since I am a pretty blonde woman with an upscale lifestyle it is only a matter of time before Greta Van Sustern gets her grubby mitts on my privacy. I can only hope that I don't get caught in Aruba or Barbados or some place that only adds more luster to the story and gets Greta a vacation in the process. Still, as it stands, I rather be free. My need to be a top blogger hasn't reached the craven level, so to speak. We'll wait and see, as they say.

I think I should stop here. Though I don't really want to. I want to "snark." on Maya Angelou some more and let it take me to the dark places that frighten and delighten. Did I just invent a word? My word, I am a national treasure today. I will stop here because to rally more readers I want to discuss politics and American Idol. I watch both and have many opinions. I also want to discuss my latest nemesis and the status of my case against her. That is beyond esoteric . She fancies herself a famous person. I have evidence to prove that. but, she is much to her distress(I'd safely guess) almost completey obscure. She is on a show that supposedly has compelled some neilsen families ,dotted through this savage land, to indicate some sort of good ratings. I don't know. I do know that I've never met a memeber of a neilsen family and that the show is completey meritless. When I learn to link I will link you to the many places where I found commiseration after viewing the foul mess called, The Sarah Silverman Program. I used italics in the previous "sentence." I felt I must. I'm being forced to multitask at the moment, some woman who thinks she is my friend is weeping on the speakerphone and telling me that they just found out that her daughter is not autistic just feeble and she doesn't know how to "process." it. Poor thing. I have two autistic children and one normal average one. Very chic right now. One has aspergers and one is just straight up autistic. The aspergers one just killed a fly and smiled. I might use him as an accomplice if the need arises. I should say later taters as I find having a catchy signoff is indicated in some of the literature on blogging. But, I am weary of gimmicks and so I won't. I'm off to a shower with the lates body care products and then a steaming mug of latte at the non corporate coffee zone. Don't get me started on corporations.
reading more works by the spinster sisters and can't wait to share. I'll be back and so should you. That's catchy. No? I wonder if I should dunk a biscotti in my latte today? My waistline is within perfectly acceptable parameters , at the moment. So, biscotti dunked into yummy latte or even a mocha ? Ah, today is looking peachy.
Post a Comment

Dismissed in the Interests of Justice: The incredible (and I mean incredible) true story of how a comedian,Tig Notaro, saved her brand by destroying a life

"Holy shit. This is... insane..." Yes it was.  Yes it is. Stone cold crazy. Batshit. Baying at the moon. Barking a loony tune. S...