Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Courtroom drama/comedy

Barring settlement I can easily foresee about 12x5 jurors- that's 60 peers-- in my immediate future. Chances are only 40 percent will be kindred spirits but I love em all anyway.

The courtroom is not supposed to be a party zone, that's for sure, and it is inapropriate to put on Pink's" let's get the party started" before my opening argument-- but still... fun can be had. What ever transpires down this strange road .... the laughs that we are having just thinking about how everytime the prosecutor objects one of us will say, "Gezunteit." Or my mother will say things like this to the prosecutor: " Erect? Why is a jewish girl being so vulgar." and when it is eventually brought to her attention that the prosecutor actually said, "Object" she will just point at her hearing aid(which isn't there because she's not deaf enough really, though her hearing is not too hot.)
We have a tape to play of the cops just lying their asses off, and we did entertain the idea of pretending to actually have party dance music on it instead of their lies, and playing it cracks us up as we crack up in less happy ways.

if laughter is the best medicine that we don't need health insurance!

My sister went to the computer and played that Pink Song in perfect timing to be suggesting we o this, and to picture the whole jury and the judge just starting to dance like out of a really bad movie was some kind of medicine, I hope. Then, the last scene of this awful screenplay has the uptight and evil prosecutor dancing out of the courthouse to the sounds of Prince's "Party like it's 2009"

The judge will at first look reluctant as her brother is Mayor and she has so far seemed biased against defendants(in general) but in this movie she eventually grabs her gavel and instead of slamming it down and saying "ORDER" or calling one of those sexy bailiffs to haul off the innocent defendant, she slams the gavel and says,
" Let's get this party started!" The audience roars! Let's get this party started finds it's way onto pillows and t-shirts once and even bumper stickers for the next 6 months. I start a blog called Lady Liberty rocks and every day my mailbox brings more and more money.

The audience will devour such inane slapstick and not only will I be aquitted but we'll have a smash success of a movie and a merchandising empire! Throw in a singing granny, a drunken santa, and a juror with superpowers and there is no end in sight.
If we can get the rights to Kool and that Gangs, "Celebrate Good times" we will surely get that in for the scene where the court clerk throws all the paperwork up in the air and starts breakdancing.

The crooked cops will shrug their shoulders and during the end credits ,the repugnant false accuser and her cronies, will be seen behind bars. Scott boxenbaum and Harris Wittels will try to sass one of the bailiffs and get Tasered. Val Myers will be led away in ankle chains. The audience and some critics will leave with grins as wide as Val Myers ass.

Ah, imagination

Ah, imagination.
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