Wednesday, April 2, 2014

The first Kramy copy contest ever? TIg Notaro now offering a free download of her cancer set to the unlucky winner

Was thinking today of how it's OK to miss your calling but, it's not okay to have your calling stolen from you. When an idiot son of the 00.1 percent in wealth and corruption(Kroll,) and a 9th grade dropout who is as dim as it gets( Tig Notaro,) steal it from you, as they desperately try to sneak into becoming "household names," it's particularly un-doable.

I had very few callings, but one of them was comedy, and one is writing copy- even when not being commissioned to do so. I nearly won a big job at Benefit cosmetics after responding to a Craiglist ad where they said to send in copy, and you could win some contest. The next day I got a call telling me that I am a top contender, and asking me if I was able to move to San Francisco. Sure, I said, Of course.

 Since I had no experience, and was not even local, they didn't ultimately choose me, but damn that copy was strangely good. Strangely, because I barely wear makeup and have never written copy before. But, a little focus on mascara, and what the company is about, and wallah sparkling copy about mascara ensued. Blush and lip liner too.  My words made their lip gloss seem CRAZY. Crazy good, that is.

Recently, another useless talent has presented itself- Writing copy for wannabe celebrities(Nick Kroll,) or perhaps real celebrities(Amy Poehler)

You see I'm convinced(due to a whole lot of evidence,) that nothing to do with Nick Kroll, is as it seems. All he produces appears to me as creepy bullshit . Everything said on his behalf - same. Surely, some of my observations are colored by bias, since he did too incredible to easily believe things to me and my family, and to tax payers(who funded his madness as he enjoyed his millions.)

But, since he never made any effort to spare me any humanity, any consideration, any decency -- I don't feel bad about any bias I might experience when evaluating him, and his "life story." Ideally, I'd love to see anyone's humanity, and believe them capable of redemption, but as it stands... that's not in the cards.

As it stands, I have to see a guy who stole my name, my reputation, my health,my money, my possibilities, my peace of mind, my sense of fair play, my trust in country, authority, the legal system, and that of my immediate family blah blah blah romping on Baja Beaches with someone who I worked as a body double for-- when she was on the UCB comedy central show. Very strange, on top of being very wrong. And, this has zero to do with jealousy. This has zero to do with run of the mill bitterness. I don't get jealous. I certainly would never get jealous of comedians. I wish more people were funny and no one is happier to see a funny female comedian than me. Or male. Whatever.
 And I never have envied another lot's in life. It's just not how my brain works. Godspeed to anyone. I'm not interested in what you have or don't have. If you get your fame by force as Nick Kroll and Tig Notaro have then it's offensive as hell but in general -- I don't spare any focus on the fortunes or misfortunes of strangers.

But, if say you steal everything I have, than you better be sure you either return it( and you'll be left in peace,) or you better be sure I'll make sure you don't get away with it. I'm not talking about stealing some item, or stealing even some money. I'm talking the kind of theft that demands resolution. Closure. Any semblance of fair play. And, I will use  whatever modest means I have at my disposal. If you cause great damage to my loved ones, without any reasonable explanation, then you really deserve what I plan to dole out.

And, mind you(if you don't mind.) I am very aware of how impotent I seem in the face of Kroll Inc. Not just seem-- am. Comically so.
 But, who cares enough to really care, when you consider what he did, and continues to do and can do...

Back to my copy writing ability: Since Nick Kroll's initial decisions and then follow through, have made it impossible for me to get a job, maybe E online will let me write copy for them.Amy Poehler, Nick Kroll

E Online and Just Jared claim that Amy Poehler "rocks a red bathing suit," And/Or  is "pretty in pink." Clearly someone is color blind.

Anyhow,  I want it to be a contest where my ever growing audience( 3 followers!!) pick the winning copy and if they vote within the next 3 minutes they will get a summer scarf with an Illustration by my genius sister, Lauren Spitzberg.

Here goes, contest entrants: Which would you pick for PoeKroll or leroll or maybe Kramy is the best way to abbreviate this hot new pairing. ?

Copy no. 1

Poehler sporting hot pink in Paradise?

Contenders for  Comedy Central's  most likely to never be cancelled, make a splash on a Cabo beach --without even dipping one pasty toe into the Pacific.


 Copy No. 2
Comedy duo, Poehler and Kroll, get their feet dry in recent Photo Op arranged by Jules B Kroll and that global gang of Hooligans, far away from the Hague.


Copy candidate No. 3

Amy Poehler sports a summery silken scarf, around her waistline, as desperate to escape obscurity, Beau Nick Kroll,  pretends to not notice the Papparazi that he had EXPRESSLY begged to show up so he could be photogged by the Paps!

Contest sponsored by Cavities. Com(sister company to

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