What The League's Nick Kroll Eats for Breakfast
If Nick Kroll is recognized on
the street these days, it’s likely because of his much-beloved Ruxin, a
sardonic fantasy football hustler on the ensemble comedy The League, now entering its fifth season on FX. But he might easily meet fans of his viral hit Bobby Bottle Service,
an homage to a Jersey nightclub entrepreneur who really, really loves
his ma. Or maybe it’s for Dr. Armond, L.A.’s number one pet plastic
surgeon. Nick found a home for all of these personalities on Comedy
Central’s Kroll Show,
which he writes and stars in. (Season two begins in January.) Nick
lives in Los Angeles, likes cold-pressed juice, although he still does
not know what those words really mean, and like many other homesick New
York Jews, misses his Russ and Daughters’ bialys.
(Bloggers Note: He's maybe recognized for the League. Haven't seen it yet so don't know if he manages to be ok in that. But, if someone recognizes him from "Kroll Show" they would cross to the other side of the street out of shame for him and for society. His characters are all a big flop for anyone not paid to say otherwise, so if anyone recognized him for those- that same cross the street thing would apply. The idea that Kroll keeps talking about being a Jew is sickening cause he is a pox on the Jews and he never gets homesick cause his family Jet takes him home whenever he says the word.)
(Bloggers note: It might be humorous to call oneself a narcissistic monster if you are just self involved to some degree. But, when you are actually a narcissistic monster who fixes court cases and has innocent people ruined and jailed so you can flex your fathers powers(or now your own) well not funny at all. Add the fact that this is a billionaire who bought every aspect of his "comedy career" by writing big checks, blacklisting those who don't kiss his ring, and making jokes that no one finds funny and it becomes even less amusing. Allergic to his own sweat? Well, that's seems some spiritual disease when you consider that this putrid putz should be sweating 24/7 for his role in Tig Notaro's stalking and cancer scams alone.)
(Bloggers Note: He's maybe recognized for the League. Haven't seen it yet so don't know if he manages to be ok in that. But, if someone recognizes him from "Kroll Show" they would cross to the other side of the street out of shame for him and for society. His characters are all a big flop for anyone not paid to say otherwise, so if anyone recognized him for those- that same cross the street thing would apply. The idea that Kroll keeps talking about being a Jew is sickening cause he is a pox on the Jews and he never gets homesick cause his family Jet takes him home whenever he says the word.)
My alarm is set for 8:45 a.m. with the most calming of Apple’s alarm timbres, something that sounds like futuristic icicles. When I hear my alarm I wake up and immediately turn it off. Nine minutes later I’ll look at my phone for the first time. I’ll read my text messages, which will then inhabit some anxiety-ridden half-dreams as I continue to press snooze on my alarm.
I usually need to read emails to actually wake up. I’ll read these and Twitter and my brain will start to get going about what a narcissistic monster I am. I read on Twitter who is talking about me. I’ll also start making jokes for the day based on what I read on Twitter.
I exit my bed and it’s time for a Listerine wash. I don’t want people to smell bad breath over the phone if I need to make a call. This is followed by working out on the elliptical for 30 to 40 minutes. The best way to get me to work out is to let me watch TV. I catch up on Breaking Bad and House of Cards. I like to start the day with some stressful TV programming.
I’m allergic to my own sweat, so now my body is on fire. I shower and do an examination of my weird blotchy skin. I use Aveeno products. I know they are very mainstream, and not very cool, but they feel good on my skin.
(Bloggers note: It might be humorous to call oneself a narcissistic monster if you are just self involved to some degree. But, when you are actually a narcissistic monster who fixes court cases and has innocent people ruined and jailed so you can flex your fathers powers(or now your own) well not funny at all. Add the fact that this is a billionaire who bought every aspect of his "comedy career" by writing big checks, blacklisting those who don't kiss his ring, and making jokes that no one finds funny and it becomes even less amusing. Allergic to his own sweat? Well, that's seems some spiritual disease when you consider that this putrid putz should be sweating 24/7 for his role in Tig Notaro's stalking and cancer scams alone.)
After showering, I’m clean and famished. I make a coffee and begin the roller coaster of caffeine and sugar that is the rest of my day. My coffee style is based on the weather. The first housewarming gift from my mom was a Nespresso machine. I go with their Capriccio, the stronger blend. I’m always praying that I didn’t buy decaf. If it is a cooler day, I’ll just make an espresso.(Bloggers Note: He always looks filthy so I doubt he showers more than monthly. I'm very bored of this POS, believe me so I'll let his own words make him look like the gay name dropping moron he is. Of course there is nothing wrong with him being gay and effete and all that stuff but when he pretends to be dating Amy Poehler than his gayness is relevant, yo.)
I wish I was a cool guy and could drink coffee black, but I put almond milk and raw cane sugar in it. The almond milk is from Califia Farms. I’m a sucker for packaging. It comes in a container that has the essence of an old milk bottle—it evokes a simpler time—but it’s all plastic.
I’ll then have some Kashi Go Lean. It has as much protein as an egg. Kashi looks like twigs, so it makes me feel like I’m healthy. This cereal has been with me since childhood. Once a year in my family, we had a junk food day. I could eat Cocoa Crisps and Fruit Loops. Now I’m back eating Kashi. As much as I hate to admit it, my mother has won.
Depending how long it’s been since my last time to the grocery store, because I buy it in bulk, I’ll do Fage yogurt until I see green on it.
One thing I am experimenting with right now is kefir, a cultured milk product. I was tipped on to it, along with most of my food ideas, from my friend Aziz Ansari. I call it adult Go-Gurt for the Trader Joe’s set. It’s probiotic and somewhere between yogurt and milk.
I tend to buy my juice rather than make it. I like kale, celery, apples, beets, and ginger. Those are keywords that will spring me into action. If I get to a supermarket, I’ll buy some cold-pressed juice, but I still don’t don’t know what “cold press” means. Again, I’m a sucker for keywords.
I decided to go to some doctor, a Western one with Eastern influences. He told me to pull out my fillings because they were leaking mercury. I ignored that, but I did take him up on his suggestion to drink apple cider vinegar to help with my skin. A teaspoon per day. Because I half listen and don’t follow directions well, I just take a big swig to the dome and try to eat something after.
After all the low-fat stuff, I end up eating Tate’s chocolate chip cookies.
Usually if somebody stays over, a friend or significant other, I make eggs. I don’t do that for myself.
If I’m super hungover, it’s a fried egg, Saint-André triple-crème brie, and salami. I’ll make a killer cholesterol sandwich to soak up the mistakes of the night before. When I’m hungover and wallowing in my own misery, I need to address that first. Being better on my body takes place later.
I miss the New York bagel, but miss the New York bialy even more. It’s a great compromise of bagel feeling with less dough stuffing. I also truly miss popping out of my house and going to Russ and Daughters’ and picking up great supplies right around your corner. In L.A. you settle into your home first to eat breakfast, rather than start life publicly right away.
KEYWORDS: Psuedo Celebrities who pay for press cause they are that connected, My Morning Routine, People Jules Kroll called and his son needs more publicity The Kroll Show has very bad ratings and they hate him and the show when not paid to say otherwise gay nick kroll killer cholesterol sandwich how dear and something worthy of a bad lady comic breakfasts of the craven and creepy one percent who gives one shit if this pos likes kale no one is the answer gourmet everything for this unfunny pervert he flashed himself on graduatin and probably flashes himself all the time and has bill bratton cover it up significant other probably is aziz ansari who is probably his lover cause nick is gay and that is not good for the gays go gurt how uh uh unfunny he can get any bialy he wants shipped with his dirty billions he has a maid making his ugly ass eggs ben pomeroy if he had any talent all this annoying tone deafness wouldn' t be as ANNOYING but as it stands the idea that this criminally evil troll is buying this press to sell his fraud wares is clearly not acceptable to any decent human settles into the family home. he pretends they don't have an estate in L.A so he had to make it without family connections but the Krolls indeed have a home there and have been firmly established in LA for decades
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